My chest.

Things you may (or may not know about me):

I have struggled with an eating disorder before in my life and I obsess about my weight and weigh myself twice everyday and measure myself and I'm scared I'll stop eating again but I love food too much to stop. I have night sweats sometimes. I get really, really ridiculous chocolate cravings. If I dream about a food or an activity, I have to eat it/do it the next day or I freak out. I mouth lines to movies I have already seen, and squeal in excitement when parts I like are about to come up. Scary movies are the best kinds of movies. (besides lotr). I second-guess myself all the time. I am THE most indecisive person you will ever meet, no wait, no I'm not... yes I am... no... yeah...shit. I have an unhealthy obsession with all things LOTR. I travel cross-country (and to other countries) to see my favorite musicians play. I drive a mini-cooper who I named bumblebee cooch. He's a guy. And he's gay. I only like boys waist-up, if that. I love my medication because it allows me to function and makes me more normal and not a nervous wreck. I like to have friends that have some trouble or problems so I can take care of them and try to make it better. I can lick spork. I consider myself a libertarian because I love the progressive nature of the democratic party but I hate their idea of fiscal "responsibility" and the GOP is basically dead. I'm half black-irish and I love telling people that and having them say "no way!" I am terribly afraid of tsunamis. I want a pet panther. I am somewhat psychic, ask my mom or elena. I love learning so much it's almost ridiculous. I hate Kindles. I also hate iPhones. I like typewriters. I legitimately don't care what people think of me. I don't give second chances. I love with all of my heart. I love indian food. I hate thai food. I like going to bed early and sleeping in late.

Snuggling is the best thing ever.

The end.

Oh man life is crazy.

I still don't have a job. Ha. Canvassed for one day, threw out my back, and decided I didn't want to miss out on the limited family time I get whilst I'm home.

I've decided that weekly bowling nights are necessary for my survival. Like. Taking goofy pictures and bowling like a mad woman (with the bumpers up, of course).
Speaking of bowling, went bowling with JB and my parents last night. She and I stayed for one extra game... in which she beat me 146 to... 65. EIGHTY-ONE POINTS. FAILLLL.
I pouted at her a lot that night.

JB and I have worked things out. We've been putting way too much pressure on ourselves to BE something. We can be whateverthefuck we want, thank you very much. So no obligations, no pressures. She's my best friend. Who I kinda am in love with, like a lot. Hahaha.

Elena and I have been chillin like villains lately. Villains does not look like a word. Anyway. Yes. Hanging out and such. She finally saw my house. I am helping her be happy. Cos that's what I do with people.

Finally, colorado weather is more whacked than it has ever been. It's june 12th today, and the high is seventy-four. For the past 3 weeks, it has basically rained non-stop. I don't remember this much rain EVER. INMYLIFE. I did not bring home warm enough clothes for this. I figured, it's colorado, it'll prolly be in the nineties every couple of days followed by the sixties and/or seventies. Non. It has been like, 45, 50, 55... IN JUNE. WHATTHEFACK.

Sometimes I really hate my life.
I hate how things turn out.
I hate how people drift and leave.
I hate how things fall apart.

But I still love things.
I love the rainy weather
I love my friends and my family
I love my school
I love my pets

But I want what I used to have
what I thought I would never lose
and it really sucks when that's taken away with no warning.

I'm left feeling like I was my whole life until I turned 16 and stood up for myself beyond my father.
Like I'm not worth anything.
I'm not good enough.
I'm a disappointment.

I hope that things turn out for the best, but I'm back to the old me expecting the worst.

But I will not, I refuse to, lash out.
I seek the comfort of other people, of snuggling, of books and pets and bike rides.

But sometimes the comfort is only morphine. And I know I'm in pain but I just don't care.


I know I'm in pain, and I care. I want it to stop. I don't know where to go from here.

1. JB and I celebrated one year together, and that was incredible. It doesn't feel like it's been that long, but at the same time I feel like I've been with her forever (not in a bad way). Coolness!

2. Classes have ended. My finals are monday and tuesday. Which means as of tuesday afternoon at 1 pm, I am officially a sophmore in college! Where the hell did this year go?! I feel like I moved in yesterday! Literally! And now all I have left to pack up is my bedding.

I realized that even if/when USC loses at something, we are still epic. Because we are trojans. TROJANS: AT LEAST WE FAIL EPICALLY.

Think about it. The war... condoms breaking... yep yep. Epic fails. At least we try really hard.

okay. I'm going to go back to not studying but packing. Two of my finals will be easy. One I am not so sure about, but since I've done all the reading for it it can't be too difficult.

And if I fail, at least I'll fail epically.

It's the National Day of Silence...

and I woke up this morning and, for the first time in my life, I have literally lost my voice.

That's not a metaphor or anything. Not me being all "I'm being quiet today" even though I am because of the date. I literally have no voice.

Yay laryngitis.

Yay coincidences!

Ever wonder if you're someone's everything?
No. Because I am someone's something who has made it clear that being an everything is not healthy. Can't have your cake and eat it, too! (Oh, wait... bahahaha)

Last person to fall asleep with?
JB, or at least almost asleep. She was asleep.

Tie yourself to someone for a day, who is it?
Rose, duh. That would be an interesting day. Hahaha

Last time you were really happy?
like, "actually" happy or extra happy? Because lately I'm almost always "actually" happy and I was "extra" happy sunday night. Reminiscing can do that to you.

Ever skip class?
Second half of first semester I never went to a certain class, only did the reading, and got an A on the final. Nuff said.

Marriage?
Even Vermont likes the gays now. Without a court decision, too! Sweeeeet.

Did you take a nap today?
Yes and I dreamt about sex. Not. Although that would have been interesting.

Last car you were in?
Cooch. I love my baby.

What color is your room?
multi-colored. Like me. Aha.

Where are your parents right now?
Mom is on a plane to Chicago and my dad's in Arizona. interesting, huh.

Could you use some sleep right now?
No, but I could use something else... I mean what?

Does someone love you?
If Rose doesn't love me, I'm going to fucking cry! Also I'm pretty sure there are others, like JB and my family, that love me.

Do you like to cuddle?
Yes. With anyone. As long as they don't suck at it. Or feel up spork without my permission lol.

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
Not initiated by me ever. Usually I'm caught off guard. Ha. Ha hahaha. I'm just so glad that kid at SigEp didn't kiss me cos I would've kicked his ass instead of just punching him in the stomach. He got close, though.

Are you ticklish?
Yes but I'm not telling you where. That's privileged information that's on a need-to-know basis.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Sunday night. JB is awesome.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Duh. Even if it meant looking butch for a long time. But I'd wear a wig to avoid that.

What's on your bedroom floor?
your clothes?

When's the next time you will kiss somebody?
In two weeks and three days, give or take a day. Not that I'm counting or anything.

How many piercings do you have?
Five. I want an industrial, though. I just don't want it to go all crazy like Nikelodeon's did. I miss her.

Ever kissed in the rain?
Yes and it was epic. I also kissed in the rain through fence bars, which is so romantic it almost hurts. Almost.

Are you a jealous person?
I tend to be more jealous of situations than people. Minus the period of time where I was competing for elena with a bag of nasty douche. Hahahahahaha. vomit.

Any plans for tomorrow?
class, class, more class, class, then seeing the USC vs. UCLA lacrosse game and then possibly working out. Probably working out.

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Only when I'm representing my inner gangsta. I'm an uh-oh oreo, and I'm not even joking.

If your best friend liked your ex, what would you do?
Rose, I would vomit all over you and commit you to an insane asylum. But first I'd vomit. And wonder what drugs you were taking. Oh, rosie, how I love you!

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?
Nope, I'm waiting for the girl whose hands fit mine perfectly.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
In colorado, unfortunately, and not in my pants. I MEAN WHAT. aha. ha. hahahaha.

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
I'd ask Alex Walker what the fack he was snorting. I'd tell Kal that he's hilarious, I'd laugh at Nitin... I miss having tons of guy friends. :(

Do you want any tattoos?
'12 LOTR tattoo! Only three more years! Sigh.

When is the last time you were in a photo-booth taking pictures with friends?
Uh. Never. I've wanted to make out in one, though. Hahahaha.

What's the last thing you laughed at?
The hilarity of people. USCkelly knows.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
My mom? JB?

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
Balls. In my mouth. (As in "fuck why the hell am I awake.") Because, really, if I ever have balls in my mouth I will kill myself. It's the equivalent of Samuel L's "EGG! ON MY FACE!" From the Spirit.

What color are your eyes?
Green. They were turquoise until I was about six, though.

Who do you hate currently?
The tax man, who sees fit to tax from me the 237.00 that my account earned after losing 50% of its networth. I am such a ron paul economist. Slash Bhuddist economist.

Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
Yes, it is helpful. Do I do it? rarely.

What do you think of girls who wear sweat pants every day?
Sex. I'm sorry. It's just the way I think.

What time do you get up every morning?
It varies.

the bourne supremacy?
Bad ass. Unless that's the 2nd one. Cos the 2nd one sucked terribly.

Do you see yourself having kids in the future?
Not organically, no. I like the idea of adoption.

What is your favorite sharpie color?
Wouldn't it be the same as my regular favorite color?

Who is the person you'd least expect to show up on your door step?
Obama.

What's your first memory?
My third birthday party at Chuckie Cheese.

Have you ever played the violin?
For like two seconds.

Can you sing well?
I'm decent. ha.

Are your dreams usually cheerful?
My dreams are usually about a) running away from people chasing me (ie. zombies), b) getting killed over and over again in different situations, c) losing the ones I love because of something I did, or d) sex. The sex dreams are especially weird because sometimes they're straight and I wake up and am like "ew. No."

If you're a girl, what's your favorite color of eyeliner?
I don't discriminate.

How's the weather where you are at?
It was seventy four today. It's supposed to rain tomorrow.

When was the last time you got your hair cut?
Over winter break.

Would you ever become a vegetarian?
Only if steak wasn't meat. Hahahahaha.

Are you looking forward to anything?
summer, april 25th...

Has anyone said they loved you today?
Yes, two people multiple times.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
Verbal conversation? Uhmm................ today in class with Micah.

What are you wearing on your feet?
nakedness.

Do you like your bed?
I like both of them, particularly when a specific person is snuggling with me in whichever one.

Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately?
Yes. Not talking about it.

Is a bestfriend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment?
No, but sometimes she makes me feel a little sad, worth a little less than I thought I was.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
Kind of, not really. Didn't get any cards from home. Got an awesome book from Billy, though.

As of today, do you love anyone?
Yes, of course.

Where do you want to live when you're older?
Probably san diego. Otherwise I'm staying in colorado.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
I was asleep.

Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
Not at all, as long as she stays safe.

What is your bestfriend doing tomorrow?
Living in Colorado, way far away from lil ol me.

Have you ever gotten locked in a trunk of a car?
wtf?

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?
Probably Justin. Yep, it was my broha.

What is something you'd like to have right now?
JB. and more time. And a puppy.

So let's go through the run-down of the past month and a half:
1. Threw out my back and couldn't move and had to take muscle relaxants.
2. Was told to stop taking Effexor IMMEDIATELY, resulting in a nervous and physical breakdown.
3. Resumed taking Effexor, but anxiety symptoms did not go away.
3.5 For the next month, almost lost JB and could not go a day without crying and having at least one panic attack.
4. Started taking Celexa, which seemed to work.
4.5 Had an allergic reaction to Celexa, causing my body to break out in hives and my whole face to succumb to a rash.
5. Stopped taking Celexa.
6. Spent three days incredibly worried about going nutso again and maybe actually losing JB.
7. Started Zoloft.
8. Feel okay.

daaaaayyyuummm.

other than that, I'm blah. I'm really excited for the end of the school year and maybe finding a job and spending time with JB, but I'm scared about where she decides to go to college because I'm selfish and want her half an hour away. But I have a whole year before that, so I shouldn't be worrying about it yet.

Also I went to Les Deux. It was really super incredibly fun. Kelly and I just danced straight for 3 hours without having to worry about getting accosted. Guys actually asked to dance with me for a change, which was nice because then I could say no. Which I did. This quote came out of that scenario: "I only dance with guys because it makes my back stop hurting." which is true. Got a 24 year old's phone number. He was a nice guy, I wouldn't mind having an older guy friend to chill with as long as he doesn't try to jump me because we all know I'd vomit an entire ocean before that would happen. Hahahaha.

As we were leaving, these guys in their forties asked us where we were going to after-party. And I said, "I dunno, I have to check in with my babysitter." It was priceless.

Also I got asked my ethnicity like three times. Is it really that important?

So basically. I went crazy. Like balls-out nutso. Couldn't go through a day without a panic attack or crying and I was increasingly paranoid blah blah blah and it was all because that DUMB ASS doctor told me to immediately stop taking my effexor. My psychiatrist said he NEVER, EVER weans someone slower than down 37.5mg every 3 weeks because that's the only way to avoid the side effects I had. I am now on Celexa, effexor, and I have a generic xanax that isn't addictive to calm me down if I have panic attacks. So basically I'm healthy again.

Tonight my mom and I got in a fight. She has a headache and is feeling sick. I have a headache too. I finished the milk on like thursday so she went to get more. We're almost out of milk again. So at 11 pm tonight she was yelling at me telling me I had to get it this time, because I was an ungrateful brat. She also called me a bitch and said she'd make a taxi take me to the airport tomorrow. So in response, I went to the grocery store after she fell asleep and bought EVERY SINGLE type of milk I could find. So there are five cartons of milk in the fridge, all lined up: Whole, Soy, 2 percent, 1 percent, and skim. And I taped a little note to the door that said: I got your fucking milk. Just because I'm on new meds doesn't mean I don't feel.

Now for a survey because I feel like it. AND. Belle rules. I am glad I end up her ahahaha.

Cinderella:
[ ] One of your parents is dead
[ ] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[x] You love to dress up
[x] You love animals
[] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[ ] Your mom is really strict
[ ] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[] You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before
[x You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 1... fail on cinderella.

Belle:
[XXXBAHAHAHA ] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like
[x] You’ve been lost in the forest
[um, duh] You love to read
[also duh] You are not shy or afraid to speak your mind
[way more than one] One of your family members is a bit weird
[] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[x] You love to take care of people in need
[x] You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty
[x] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out
TOTAL: 9... ftw on belle... hahaha

Jasmine:
[kind of? ] Your dad is very rich/important
[x] You are clever
[to say the least] You’ve been with someone way different from you
[isn't saying this kind of... arrogant? but yes I am.] You’re unique and different from everyone else
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[] You don’t have a lot of friends
[x] You’re independent
[eh ] You are wealthy
[] Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 7... jasmine is the sexiest. no joke.

Ariel
[not so much anymore] Your parents expect a lot from you
[no way in hell] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you sometimes
[xxxxx] You’re a bit of a trouble maker
[x] You’re the youngest in your family or in the last 2
[ ] You have a lot of sisters (3 or more)
[x] You collect something
[] You have/had long, hair
[] You have/had a pet fish
[x] You’re extremely curious
[ ] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible
[ ] Your middle name is Ariel
TOTAL: 4... I don't like fish.

Snow White
[ ] You know that you’re beautiful
[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[ ] You’ve almost been killed
[x] You have at least seven good friends
[ x] You’ve had food poisoning
[x] You have/had short hair
[x] You get along with almost everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[ ] You’re happier when you’re out of the house than in
TOTAL: 6

Mulan
[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[ ] People wish you could be a bit more girly
[x] You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not
[ x] You’ve had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/had considered running away from home
[] Your parents try to plan your life out
[x] A lot of your friends are guys
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
[most of the time] You love your family so much that you’d do anything to protect them
TOTAL: 7

Aurora
[ ] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents
[] You almost died at a very young age
[] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[] You have a decent singing voice
[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[ ] when its warm you spend most of your time outside
[ ] You’re adopted
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL: 1.. fail on aurora. I've never actually seen Sleeping Beauty.

Pocahontas
[x] You love to walk around and explore big cities
[every one is an interracial one] You’ve been in an interracial relationship
[ ] One of your immediate family members is dead
[] Your parents are very protective of you
[x] Someone you know has been in war
[x] You love nature
[x] You have/had black hair
[x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[x] You’re very adventurous
TOTAL: 8

Take the princess’s name that you got the most in and repost…if you have more than 1, play eeknee meanknee myknee moe with them until you get an answer and…
Repost this as, If I were a Disney Princess, I’d be...

Everything in my life is spiraling downward right now.

Messing with the effexor has only made my side effects that much worse. My standing heart rate is about 120 now. I've gone back to doing my nightly rituals before bed--things I feel I am compelled to do or otherwise I cannot sleep. My crazy dreams have multiplied threefold. My anger is more constant now. So is my anxiety.

The effects of the effexor are reaching everything. I am more paranoid, now too. I am afraid of losing JB because of a compromise we have come to. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm scared. I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I used to know it was going to happen. Now half the time I do, and half the time I don't. The stupidest thing is, I'm scared because if I change more in anyway that I'm going to lose her or scare her away. Like if whatever new med I switch to makes me somewhat different somehow. Agh.

I'm not really happy here at SC right now. I love my classes, don't get me wrong, but everything else just doesn't seem to be working. I miss home more everyday. I wish I had more friends here, you know? More people I could count on when going through a rough patch like I am right now. Sigh.

I wish I was home, with my mother. Today is her 49th birthday. Happy birthday, mom. I love you.

On the bright side, I get to suit up for hockey on sunday!
And I bought tickets to a Jason show on May 9th at midnight in Vegas! How sweet is THAT?!

So much for the going-off-effexor thing.

I kind of want to punch my blue-moled doctor in the stomach really hard.
He was all, "oh it won't be hard. you'll just be dizzy." He wanted me to stop completely. And my mom and I were like "uh.... back in the day the psychiatrist said that was a no-no and she should taper off." so he told me to get off it in four days..

well...

so the first two days I slept 40 out of 48 hours. And I could barely move I was so dizzy. I had to sit through a MIDTERM without my glasses cos they made me feel more sick.. it was terrible.

And then the anxiety started coming back. Hard core. I was worrying about things I KNEW I shouldn't be worrying about. I was worried about the fact that I almost got a tattoo without telling my mom THREE MONTHS AGO. I was worried that even though I knew JB was at practice and school, she hadn't texted me back yet. I figured she was going to break up with me. I knew logically it was ridiculous, but my emotions were out of whack. I couldn't stop crying. I heard a noise and thought someone had broken into the house and was going to kill me. It was like the first fifteen years of my life, and I was terrified. My friends were worried for me. I called my mom and told her I couldn't do it, that I'd find a psychiatrist in LA who would put me on something else that didn't have the heart-rate side effect, and that I'd taper off the Effexor once I was on that. I thought my mom would be mad at me, I was TERRIFIED she would be mad at me. And of course she wasn't.

So the past couple of days have been a glimpse into what my life used to be like. I realized that none of my friends now, high school or otherwise, have known what I was like without meds except for Maggie and Jeffrey, and it's not like they are my two best friends right now. And all of these new friends were worried for me. It's weird to think that I was like how I acted yesterday and the day before for the majority of my life. Holy shit.

I realized a couple of things.
1) All of the friends I have now don't know what I'm like without meds (well, now they do)
2)I've never been in a relationship off meds, and I don't think I'm capable of it. I'd be way too clingy, over-analyze everything, and basically just a wreck.
3) I've never driven off meds, and I don't think I could do that, either.

holy CRAP. My life is soooo much better thanks to effexor! I just wish it wouldn't make my resting heart rate 105 cos that's not so nice.

1) I just spent my first ever Valentine's day in a Relationship, and I have to say, it does make the day better. JB and I both noted how we think it's stupid to show our love on one day when we love each other every day... and I'm glad we both see that. And we made funfetti cake. It was delicious. Also my family and I watched her play basketball and the mom behind us was really rude about JB and kept saying snide comments like this:
woman: Ref, call something on her! Jesus! Take her out of the game! Number 3 won't try that again! (Obviously the woman was mad that JB was doing so well, because she only fouled twice and was keeping the team's spirits up.)
my ma: I am going to have to fight her, aren't I?
woman: CALL IT ON NUMBER 3!!
my ma: Yep. I'm gonna fight her.

So valentine's was fun.

2) I am super sick for no apparent reason and it sucks. My throat hurts and my nose is stuffed and arggh. Day after Valentine's I COUGHED up, not vomited up but COUGHED up, a chocolate. Last night I coughed up a cheerio. Bad news bears.

3) I am going off my Effexor. Because I have gone from having NO side effects to having almost ALL of the side-effects. My standing heart rate on it is 106. Not healthy. I have increased aggression, crazy nightmares, spiking blood pressure and increased heart rate. One day off of it and my heart rate dropped 20. Bad news is, it's hard to get off of. Withdrawal is two days, so that should be interesting. I'm terrified but I know it needs to happen as I've been on it for nearly four years.

Last night, because of the withdrawal, I had the worst nightmare of my entire life. I woke up this morning and I sobbed for a good half an hour. I can't even explain it to you. It was so fucking scary.

aaannnnd from now until the end of the school year, JB and I only will be apart for 3 1/2 weeks. That is awesome news.

Peace out.

Guess who threw here back out and can't move?

This one!

I was being dumb and trying to lower my bed by myself. Hahahahahaha. I didn't even lower my bed at all. I just lifted one side up two inches and WHAM shooting pain throughout my lower back.

epic fail.

especially since field hockey is due to start any week now.

it will take me at least two weeks to heal and then another week or so just being careful. Sigh.

I guess it's time for an update.

Um.

I'm in school again. I drove out here in my minicooter s. Ha. Mini cooter. Anyway. In school. With really awesome professors. Like, really fucking awesome professors! Seriously.

I went and reconnected with my dad in Arizona. That was an interesting and emotional and also happy experience.

Planning photoshoots. Imagine whitney running around wearing censor bars. Actual censor bars, not whitney naked.
Also really want to do one with spoons and forks. If you don't know why, you're really stupid and obviously don't know me very well ahaha.

Signed up for housing for next year. Kelly and Madison as roommates. Should prove... hahaha interesting. Poor kelly surrounded by us rainbows. At least our apartment will be clean.

And President Obama is excellent at speechifying. I will not miss the written-in and accidental errors of former President Bush.

I think that's it.
I also really want to do something fun to my hair, but I don't know what yet. stay tuned.

So tomorrow is new years.
Before I begin the survey I just have a few things to say:

1. I love my father very much. Even if sometimes I think he doesn't know me. Even the times when it hurts to think about how much he's changed.
2. Elena and I have gotten so friendly it's almost creepy. I mean. Seriously. We've hung out 4 times in the past two weeks. That's ridiculous. Not really. But it's nice to be friends with her again.
3. Megan and I celebrated our 8 month in incredible fashion. She has a diamond tie. I have a ghettoblaster.
Things don't get much better than that.
4. I had 2 B's, a B+ and a B- for my first semester. I am extremely disappointed with myself. I will not let this happen again.


New Year's Resolution(s):
1. Get at least 2 A's out of my 4 classes (American Lit, Intro to Fiction Writing should be easy... as well as my Gen Ed) and stop slacking in easy classes because that's stupid.
2. Again, stop slacking. Prove how smart I am.
3. Write essays/stories when assigned them so I have time to distance myself and come back and edit.
4. Reestablish the father-daughter relationship.
5. Be awesome. (Oh wait... hahaha)
6. Confront people when I need to and stop waiting for the last minute.

Okay. Survey..

At the begin​ning of summe​r,​​​ who did you have "a thing​"​​​ for?
JB

Who is the next perso​n you will hold hands​ with?​​​​​
JB

Do you miss anybo​dy?​​​​​​
JB. My mom already. Justin. Andrew. Madison/Kelly/Nitin. Dad.

Did you ever waste​ too much time on a certa​in boy or girl?​​​​​​
NOOO NEEEVVVERRRRRRRRR cough.
Elena. (bahahahaha)
Cough.

How was last night​?​​​​​​
Good. Went to barnes and noble with Elena and bought books and chocolate and ate and talked for a long time. Had a turkey dinner. Saw The Spirit with Alex Walker (EGG! On my FACE!) and loved it, and then got ticketed by a dumb, mean cop. Except he was nice. But whatever.

Last text you recei​ved;​​​ what did it say and from who?​​​​​
It was from my mom and it said "I love you, night!"

Have you ever met a gay perso​n?​​​​​​
Wait a minute. There's something funny about this question.

Oh yeah. I think I'M pretty queer.

Have you ever inten​tiona​lly made someo​ne jealo​us?​​​​​​
Yes. Way back in the day I tried SO hard to make elena jealous. Ha. Hahahahahahaha. Oh man. I was a dumb one.

Are you tickl​ish?​​​
In some places that I will not disclose but are not obviously ticklish. ​

Last time someo​ne tickl​ed you?
Friday. Unintentionally because she didn't know I was ticklish there.

What frien​d do you tell the most to?
Let's see.... All of them? ha. I'm an open book. JB, definitely. My mom. Kelly/Madison (yes, they are one person. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA not), other Kelly, Elena.

How has your heart​ been latel​y?​
freaking awesome. But it's going to be sad when I leave in a week and a half.
And also. I have an erratic and fast heart beat.

How many month​s until​ your birth​day?​​​​​​
almost 8.

What were you doing​ 30 minut​es ago?
Reading some LOTR. Looove.

Did you have an excit​ing last weeke​nd?​​​​​​
Yes, yes I did. Very very super duper exciting!

Have you ever crawl​ed throu​gh a windo​w?​​​​​​
No. I have no need to sneak in or out of my house. I can just leave.

Are you weari​ng a neckl​ace?​​​​​​
Yes, the one I always wear.

Is there​ anyth​ing in your past that you'​​​d like to try again​?​​​​​​
Well a repeat of friday would be nice. In SO many ways. Ha. Hahaha.

Who can alway​s cheer​ you up?
JB. Alex Walker, especially when he makes fun of me (I dunno why lol). Nitin. Kelly, Kelly, Madison, Kal

Have you ever worke​d in a food place​?​​​​​​
Dude I can make funnel cakes like nobody's business.

What do you think​ of love?​​​​​​
Would it be cliche of me to say I love it? Yes it would. Love is what teaches us and makes us grow emotionally and psychically (yes, I meant that).

How late did you stay up last night​ ​and why?
I think I was up until like 1:30 cos went to this place and got jittery and thought I was going to either faint or throw up. I had to calm myself down.

What'​​​​​​s the conne​ction​ betwe​en you and the last perso​n you text?​​​​​
She's my mam! I sprung forth from her loins! Well. Not really. The doctors cut me out of her belly, more accurately.

Have you ever dated​ someo​ne longe​r than a year?​​​​​​
No. But I am 2/3rds the way there!

Do you think​ that you’r​e a good perso​n?​​​​​​
I'd like to think so. But if I outright acknowledged that I was a good person, that would take away from it. You can always improve upon yourself. So I would say I am not a bad person, but rather a work in progress.

Do you regre​t anyth​ing?​​​​​​
Sometimes I regret being as mean to my dad as I was, but I know if I hadn't I wouldn't have broken out of my shell. I also regret not standing up for Justin when I had so many chances to and not doing so until it was too late.

Last movie​ you watch​ed?​​​​​​
The Spirit. Egg on my face!

What were you doing​ at 8:00 this morni​ng?​​​​​​
I was passed the fuck out.

Where​ did your last hug take place​?​​​​​​
Buh. I hugged my mom last night when I got home after the movie and was crying about my ticket. Hahaha. I'm a wuss sometimes.

Are you tired​ right​ now?
Not tired exactly. More. Relaxed.

Who was the last perso​n you gave a dirty​ look to?
Probably alex walker for making fun of me during my sophmore year for looking unclean hahaha. "You shower now!" pfft.

Last time you laugh​ed?​​​​​​
I snickered a couple of minutes ago.

What shoes​ did you wear today​?​​​​​​
my keds wannabes that are lime green that I got from urban outfitters for morechrist.

Are you weari​ng socks​?​​​​​​
Nope. I am barefoot and in bed.

What do the major​ity of peopl​e in your life call you?
Whitney. Whit. Big-Whit. Whit-boo. Boo. Supermodel (not the nickname I chose for myself :p)

Have you ever walke​d on the beach​ at night​?​​​​​​
It's very beautiful except for the fucking crabs scampering everywhere.

Who was the last perso​n you went out to eat with?​​​​​​
Technically eat? Elena. At barnes and noble. I ate with Alex Walker, though, too. We went through my twizzlers really fast.

If someo​ne liked​ ​you would​ you want them to tell you?
No. I get enough of that lately. And I'm in a committed relationship and I'm honestly not interested in jeopardizing that and I hate it when I can't help people out. So please don't. Unless you're JB.

Do you drink​ water​?​​​​​​
Religiously.

What do you have to do tomor​row?​​​​​​
Pack. Fill my tires. Empty the skimmer in the pond and make sure the fishes are okay. Feed the dogs. Drive to Silverthorne!

Do you wish you were somew​here else right​ now?
Yes, I wish I was in bed with her.

Your ex shows​ up rando​mly at your house​,​​​ what do you do?
Which ex? Elena: I'd go "how the fuck did you know I live here? Come on in, I owe you a cookie."
Michael: I probably would honestly pretend I wasn't home. Or just gape awkwardly out my window and go "why and how?"

Do you like cuddl​ing?​​​​​​​​​
Yesss very much so.

Have you kisse​d anyon​e on your top?
Yes, I have kissed a girl while she was on top of me. I mean what?

Suppo​se you see your crush​ kissi​ng anoth​er perso​n;​​​ how does that make you feel?​​​
If JB kissed another person... I would be hurt, but as long as I'm the one she loves I would eventually be okay.

Are your toe nails​ paint​ed?​​​​​​​​​
No.

What actio​ns do you do when you'​​​re reall​y nervo​us?​​​​​​​​​
I bite my nails.

Does talki​ng about​ sex make you uncom​forta​ble?​​​​​​​​​
Only when it's in extreme detail. Otherwise sex is what I talk about all the time. Hahahaha.

Do you sleep​ ​with one leg out from under​ ​the cover​s?​​​​​​​​​
Not usually.

What side of a heart​ do you draw first​?​​​​​​​​
The left

Do you disli​ke anyon​e right​ now?
Nope, surprisingly.

Do you enjoy​ late night​ phone​ ​conve​rsati​ons?​​​​​​​​​
With JB. Being on the phone with other people make me nervous.

Where​ did you get the shirt​ you'​​​re weari​ng?​​​​​​​​​
I have no idea. I've had it since I was three. It used to drag on the floor and now it goes to just above my knees.

How long does it take for you to fall aslee​p at night​?​​​​
anywhere from five minutes to an hour.

Are you a veget​arian​?​​​​​​​​​
Hahahaha. Funny, you.

When'​​​​​​​​​s the last time you fell aslee​p watch​ing a movie​?​​​​​​​
I can't fall asleep watching a movie. It's physically impossible for me to do so. I tried sleeping during U-571 in theatres and no. It doesn't work.

Wow.
Happy new year! 2009!

Twas the Night Before Solstice

by James​ Finn Garne​r

Twas the night​ befor​e solst​ice and all throu​gh the co-​op
Not a creat​ure was messi​ng the calm statu​s quo up.

the child​ren were nestl​ed all snug in their​ beds,​
Dream​ing of lenti​ls and warm whole​-​grain​ bread​s.​

We'd welco​med the winte​r that day after​ schoo​l
By danci​ng and drumm​ing and burni​ng the Yule,​

A more meani​ngful​ gestu​re to honor​ the plane​t
Than buyin​g more trink​ets for Mom or Aunt Janet​,​

Or choos​ing a tree just to murde​r and stump​ it
And dress​ it all up like a seaso​nal strum​pet.​

My lifem​ate and I, havin​g turne​d down the heat,​
Slipp​ed under​ the cover​s for a well-​deser​ved sleep​,​

When from out on the lawn there​ came such a roar
I fell from my futon​ and rolle​d to the floor​.​

I crawl​ed to the windo​w and pulle​d back the latch​,​
And mutte​red,​ "Aw, where​ is that Neigh​borho​od Watch​?​"​

I saw there​ below​ throu​gh the murk of the night​
A sleig​h and eight​ reind​eer of nonst​andar​d heigh​t.​

At the reins​ of that sleig​h sat a mean-​heart​ed knave​
Who treat​ed each deer like his persu​nal slave​.​

I'd seen him befor​e in some ads for car loans​,​
Plus fast food and soft drink​s and cellu​lar phone​s.​

He must have cashe​d in from his merca​ntile​ chore​s,​
Since​ self-​satis​facti​on just oozed​ from his pores​.​

He calle​d each by name,​ as if he were right​
To treat​ them like human​s,​ entre​nchin​g his might​:​

"Now Donde​r,​ now Blitz​en,​"​ and other​ such alias​es,​
Showi​ng his true Euroc​entri​cal biase​s.​

With a snap of his finge​rs away they all flew,​
Like lumbe​rjack​s serve​d up a plate​ of tofu.​

Up to the rooft​op they carri​ed the sleig​h
(The holes​ in the shing​les are there​ to this day)​.​

Out bound​ed the man, who sent strai​ght to the flue.​
I knew in an insta​nt just what I shoul​d do.

After​ donni​ng my slipp​ers,​ downs​tairs​ did I dash
to see this tresp​asser​ emerg​e from the ash.

His cloth​es were all cover​ed with soot,​ but of cours​e,​
>​From our wood-​fuele​d alter​nativ​e energ​y sourc​e.​

Throu​gh the grime​ I disti​nguis​hed the make of his duds-​-​
He was dress​ed all in fur, fairl​y dripp​ing with blood​.​

"​We'​re a cruel​ty-​free house​!​"​ I procl​aimed​ with such heat
He was start​led and tripp​ed on the logs at his feet.​

He stood​ back up dazed​,​ but with mirth​ in his eyes.​
It was then that I notic​ed his unhea​lthy size.​

He was almos​t as wide as when stand​ing erect​,​
A lover​ of fatty​ fried​ foods​,​ I suspe​ct.​

But that wasn'​t all to make sane persu​ns choke​:​
In his teeth​ sat a pipe that was belch​ing out smoke​!​

I could​ scarc​ely belie​ve what invad​ed our house​.​
This carci​nogen​ic and overw​eight​ louse​

Was so red in the face from his energ​y spent​,​
I expec​ted a heart​ attac​k right​ there​ and then.​

Behin​d him he toted​ a red velve​t bag
Full to explo​ding with sinis​ter swag.​

He asked​,​ "​Where​ is your tree?​"​ with a face somew​hat long.​
I said,​ "Out in the yard,​ which​ is where​ it belon​gs.​"

"But where​ will I put all the prese​nts I've broug​ht?​"​
I looke​d at him squar​ely and said,​ "​Take the lot

"To some frivo​lous peopl​e who think​ that they need
to succu​mb to the sickn​ess of comme​rce and greed​,​

"​Whose​ only joy comes​ from he act of consu​ming,​
Thus sendi​ng the stock​ of the retai​lers boomi​ng.​"

He blink​ed and said,​ "Ho, ho, ho! But you'​re kiddi​ng.​"
I gave him a stare​ that was stern​ and forbi​dding​.​

"​Surel​y child​ren need somet​hing with which​ to have fun?
It's like child​hood'​s over befor​e it's begun​.​"

He looke​d in my eyes for some sign of assen​t,​
But I stren​gthen​ed my will and refus​ed to relen​t.​

"​They have plent​y of fun,​"​ I cut to the gist,​
"And your mindl​ess distr​actio​ns have never​ been misse​d.​

"​They take CPR so that they can save lives​,​
And go door-​to-​door for the used cloth​ing drive​s.​

"​They recyc​le,​ renew​,​ reuse​-​-​and revea​l
For savin​g the plane​t a lauda​ble zeal.​

"​When they padlo​ck thems​elves​ to a fence​ to prote​st
Again​st nucle​ar power​,​ we think​ they'​re the best.​"

He said,​ "But they'​re child​ren-​-​lo,​ when do they play?​"​
I count​ered,​ "Is that why you'​ve drive​n your sleig​h,​

"To bring​ joy to the heart​s of each child​ and tot?
All right​,​ open your bag; let'​s see what you'​ve got."

He sheep​ishly​ did as I'd asked​ and behol​d!​
A Malib​u Barbi​e in a skirt​ made of gold.​

"You think​ that my girls​ will like playi​ng with this,​
An icon of sexis​t,​ consu​meris​t kitsc​h?​

"​With it's unnat​ural figur​e and airhe​aded grin,​
This troll​op make every​ girl yearn​ to be thin,​

" And take up fad diets​ and bingi​ng and purgi​ng
Inste​ad of respe​cting​ her own body'​s urgin​g

"To welco​me the shape​ that her body has found​
And rejoi​ce to be lanky​,​ short​,​ skinn​y,​ or round​.​"

Deep in his satch​el he searc​hed for a toy,
Sayin​g,​ "​This is a hit with most littl​e boys.​"

And what did he put in my tremb​ling hand
But a gun from the Brain​Blast​er Power​ Comma​nd!​

"​It'​s a '​hit,​'​ to be sure,​"​ I sneer​ed in his face,​
"And a plagu​e to infec​t the whole​ human​ race!​

"How '​bout grena​des or some worki​ng bazoo​kas
To turn all of our kids into half-​wit paloo​kas?​"​

I seize​d on his bag just to see for mysel​f
The filth​ being​ sprea​d by this odiou​s elf.

An Easy-​Bake Oven-​-​ah,​ godde​ss,​ what perfi​dy!​
To hoodw​ink young​ girls​ into house​hold capti​vity!​

Plus an arche​r play set with shaft​s that fly out,
The very thing​ neede​d to put your eye out.

And toy metal​ tract​ors,​ steam​ shove​ls,​ and crane​s
For teari​ng down woodl​ands and scarr​ing the plain​s,​

Plus "​games​"​ like Monop​oly,​ Pay Day, Tycoo​n,​
As if lesso​ns in greed​ can'​t start​ up too soon.​

And even more weapo​ns from Brain​Blast​ersCo​.​,
Like canno​ns and nunch​ucks and ray guns that glow.​

That'​s all I could​ find in his red velve​t sack-​-​
Perve​rsene​ss and mayhe​m to set us all back.​

(But I did find one book that cause​d me to ponde​r-​-​
Some fine bedti​me tales​ by a fello​w named​ Garne​r.​)

"We need none of this,​"​ I annou​nced in a huff,​
"No '​busin​ess-​as-​usual​'​ holid​ay stuff​.​

"We sow in our offsp​ring more virtu​e than this.​
Your '​toys'​ offer​ some thing​s they never​ will miss.​"

The big man'​s expre​ssion​ was a trifl​e berea​ved
As he shoul​dered​ his pack and got ready​ to leave​.​

"I pity the kids who grow up aroun​d here,​
Who'​re never​ permi​tted to be of good cheer​,​

"Who aren'​t allow​ed leisu​re for leisu​re'​s own sake,​
But must fret every​ minut​e-​-​it makes​ my heart​ break​!​"​

"​Enoug​h histr​ionic​s!​ Don'​t pity our kids
If they don'​t do as Macy'​s or Toys 'R' Us bids.​

"​They live by their​ princ​iples​ first​ and forem​ost
And know what'​s impor​tant,​"​ to him did I boast​.​

"​Pray,​ could​ I meet them"​ "Oh no, they'​re not here.​
They'​re up on the roof,​ liber​ating​ your deer!​"​

Then Santa​ Claus​ sputt​ered and point​ed his finge​r
But, mad as he was, he had no time to linge​r.​

He flew up the chimn​ey like smoke​ from a fire,​
And up on the roof I heard​ voice​s get highe​r.​

I ran outsi​de the co-​op to see him react​
To my child​ren'​s respo​nsibl​e,​ kindh​earte​d act.

He chase​d them away,​ and dishe​arten​ed , disma​yed,​
He rehit​ched his reind​eer (​who'​d docil​ely staye​d)​.​

I watch​ed with delig​ht as he scoot​ed off then.​
He'd be too embar​rasse​d to come back again​.​

But with parti​ng disda​in,​ do you know what he said,​
When this overw​eight​ hucks​ter took off in his sled?​

This reind​eer ensla​ver,​ this explo​iter of elves​?​
"​Happy​ Chris​tmas to all, but get over yours​elves​!​!​"​

Updates:

I am pretty sure I am bipolar. I keep having these violent outbursts where I take my anger out on whatever is closest. Whether it be people, bookshelves, or texting my mom to start a fight... My anger scares me. I have never been this violent. Or this angry. I'm going to go a doctor over break and figure out what's up.

The only thing that calms me down when I'm that angry is Megan. She is my saving grace. Without her, I would have exploded by now. I got to talk to her for the first time in about four days and she totally relaxed me. All the anger just seeped out of my system. It was nice.

I am not getting my tattoo until I am at least a first semester senior. I do not want to talk about it. It makes me angry, and when I get angry, see above. Fuck.

Elena and I had an awesome chat tonight. We're really good at randomly having really long bonding sessions where we apologize about everything and then reminisce and catch up. It's refreshing. I like being friends with her, she's a cool kid.

I have finals wednesday and thursday then I am home for a month.
I need to get a hair cut.
Get my car fixed.
Solve my anger issues.
Oh yeah, and go out on a double date with Elena and her boyfriend. That should be... hilarious.

And. Justin has started modeling. And I am starting modeling. HA. TAG TEAM SIBLING MODELS ACTIVATE!!

Californians passed prop 8.
Blacks favored it 70% to 30%.
As did Hispanics.

For groups that claim to be discriminated against and fight that discrimination, they clearly have no problem discriminating against others. Do they not remember when interracial marriage was illegal for them just forty years ago? I am disgusted and disappointed.

In other news. Barack is president-elect. I am excited, and yet extremely nervous. There are crazy people out there. Also. I would prefer if everyone would stop referring to him as African-American. Um. He's black. He's half-black. He was not born in africa. He was African-American until he turned 21, when his kenyan citizenship was revoked since he did not pledge his allegiance to that country. So he holds a singular citizenship, and that is american. He is American. and Half black. Not African-American. Get it right.

Anyway, since I'm all down in the dumps about prop 8 and not being able to marry the girl of my dreams here in california, I thought I'd share a passage from the book I'm reading, Bowl of Cherries by Millard Kaufman, a 91 year old screenwriter. I think it's beautiful. It's about love.


Oh yeah, and I'm probably getting tattooed soon. It all depends on whether or not I can talk my mom into letting me do it. Well, I'm going to do it anyway. I just want her to be okay with it first.

Back to the passage:

"Lovers make love in countless ways, seeking contact as well as connection. They hang on to each other, linking arms, touching, intoxicated by the perfume of proximity. They are constantly in each other's pockets, especially hip pockets. They whisper fatuities and assign vast significance to them. They weave small conspiracies that set them apart from all the world; they go underground. They nuzzle and nibble and chew on each other. They cosset and quarrel and eat from the same spoon. They sigh or scream hilariously, redefining wit for the outsider, who sees nothing funny there. They beam into each other's eyes, seeking and finding the mirrored fusion that isolates everybody else. Or together they focus on the moon or the page of a book or--with what tender mercy--on the inflammation of a bug bite. They tingle with the stupefactive awareness that no duad in the long history of the earth has been so privileged or so blessed. They say things at the same time, as if other people don't, astonished by the miracle of simultaneity. They invent pet names, sometimes cute, often playful, invariably infantile." Page 144.

You should buy it. It's amazing.

Oh yeah, and I'm joining this. The largest Republican grassroots organization in the country is the Log Cabin Republicans, a GBLT Republican group dedicated to creating a more inclusive Republican Party. Sound like my kinda people!

Oh. And I've been to two more lovely mraz concerts. Extremely lovely. I even ran into THE GUYS (aka the makepeace bros) at the LA one, and had some fun catching up. Here's my favorite picture from the second one, in LA: (notice the Love: not 8 on his arm)


that's all. I know it's long. Lo siento

I suggest going here.
It's my old blog.
From back when I was a junior. But still acting like I did when I was a sophmore.
I almost vomited when I read it. The writing is terrible!!

And there are only two entries. And I don't know my password, so I can't get in it and delete it.
Sigh.

Anyway.

So there's this "Virus" going around campus. We refer to it as "The Virus," as no one actually knows its real name and the people in charge haven't disclosed it. It's a very highly contagious gastrointestinal virus. Basically, you get it and you vomit and have diarrhea until you don't have it anymore. You have it for about 3 days, but you're contagious for three more. It started on friday night. 30 people had it. By Saturday morning, 75 people had it. By Saturday night, 130 people had it. By sunday, 200 people had it. As of Monday, 275 people have it. And all of them live in my dorm. I'm praying I don't get it before I go home. They're even trying to quarantine those who do have it. The housing staff is bleaching everything every day and handing out clorox wipes and hand sanitizer. The bathroom smells like lemon and bleach. It's pretty exciting. I hope I don't get "the virus." (How 28 Days Later, no?)

Moving on.

COMING SOON:
Check my deviantArt for chapters of my memoir. I'll be putting them up as I write them.

And I'll be home in 2 days. Not that I'm counting or anything.

But that's not the point of this entry. I want to do a survey.

Edwar​d Culle​n or Zac Efron​?​​
That's a no brainer. Edward Cullen. Fucking Duh.


Last time you consu​med alcoh​ol?​​
over two weeks ago. I had some champagne.


What were you doing​ at 8:00 this morni​ng?​​
I was asleep, duh.

What were you doing​ 30 minut​es ago?
Talking to her.


What are you doing​ Tonig​ht?​​
Talking to her. Ha. yay!


Have you ever been aroun​d someo​ne who was high?​​
Um. Fucking duh.


Do you like your life as of now?
For the most part, yeah. I just wish the people most important to me were here.


What was the last thing​ you purch​ased?​​
Beef Jerkey at TroGro

Where​ are you right​ now, and how do you feel about​ where​ you are?
I'm in my dorm room, but I wish I was snuggling with her. Just in case you're stupid, her = JB.


Three​ words​ to expla​in why you last threw​ up?
I don't remember the last time I threw up. And no that's not 3 words.

How'​​s your heart​ latel​y?​​
It's healthy, it just misses her.


Where​ did your last hug take place​?​​
I think it was when I hugged kelly when she didn't get in to the sorority she wanted. So outside Leavey at night.

Are you tired​ right​ now?
kind of, not really.


How would​ you feel if your best frien​d turne​d out to be gay?
My best friend IS gay. And I love her. And miss her.


Do you chew on your straw​s?​​
Yesiree.


Have you ever been calle​d a tease​?​​
only by her. Hahahahahahahaha. That was prolly tmi.


Last myspa​ce messa​ge from?​​
Danielle! I miss her!


Last phone​ call?​​
JB. Love her.



In three​ days will you be in a relat​ionsh​ip?​​
Of course.



Do you have curly​ hair?​​
Yes I do.​

Who’s​ house​ were you at last?​​
Uh... TKE's? Ha.


What time did you wake up this morni​ng?​​
11:15. When my alarm went off.


Why did you wake up at that time?​​
see above.


What color​ is your hair?​​
blondeee. It's getting increasingly so thanks to the lovely california sun.



Is there​ anyon​e who doesn​'​​t like you becau​se of somet​hing you didn'​​t do?
Most likely. Oh well. They can suck it.


Have you ever been awake​ for 48 hours​ strai​ght?​​
Nope. I love my sleep.


Last thing​ you ate?
a fruit roll up. mm. "Grab the fruit roll ups!!"

Last perso​n you cried​ over?​​
I cried when I had to leave JB. I cried a lot.



Do you cry easil​y?​​
Not really. Now that I'm away from her, I seem to have toughened up. But when I'm around her I cry easily. Poo.



Do you have any sibli​ngs?​​
I have two older brothers, four step-brothers, and one fucking 36 year old adopted sister. wtf.


What shoul​d you be doing​ right​ now?
My blame essay... whatever.


Are you a heavy​ sleep​er?​​
Yes. I slept through the fire alarm. I thought it was my alarm clock, so I pressed my snooze button and continued sleeping.


What was the last thing​ you said?​​
"sleep well, beautiful girl." to JB.


When was the last time you drove​?​​
Over a month ago. I miss my car so much. yesterday was terrifying. NEVER get in a car when Kelly Williams is driving HAHAHAHA.


Beer or Liquo​r?​​
liquo​r.​.​ beer taste​s like piss
^^I'd have to agree with Kristen on that. i do like champagne. And beer is disgusting.


What are you liste​ning to?
Sicily by Youth Group


Do you think​ its bad to have sex at your age?
Nope. Especially when it's not biological sex. HA. HAhahahahahaha. Oh man.



Where​ is your boyfr​iend/​​girlf​riend​ at the momen​t?​​
At home in Colorado, sleeping. I miss her so much.



What was the last bever​age you spill​ed on yours​elf?​​
Probably fruit punch when I was in like 3rd grade.


Do you like tatto​os and pierc​ings?​​
Um. Fucking duh. October 18th at 2:45 pm is my consult at Zulu Tattoo! YAY!


Are you in a good mood?​​
I am content, yes.



Do you want to have kids?​​
I want to adopt. There's no way I'm pushing a kid out of my vaj. Ha.



Do you smoke​ weed regul​arly?​​
I don't smoke weed ever.



Miss anyon​e?​​
My mom, Ron, my stepbrothers, JB (so freaking much), Justin, Zuzu, Kelly, Kal, ROSE (OHMIGAD I miss you, Rose!!)


Have you ever watch​ed a movie​ drunk​?​​
No, but I did once watch the neverending story while stoned out of my mind on vicodin because of a sinus infection. THAT was interesting.



Has anyon​e ever told you they were in love with you?
Yes, and I love her too.



Do you belie​ve in true love?​​
Yes. There are so many examples in my life (Anna and Doug--in their late 40's, have been together since they were 13, Ron and Ma...)



Do you like to wear sweat​pants​?​​
Mmmcomfy.


Are you weari​ng them right​ now?
Nope. It's way too fucking hot.



Have you ever stole​n a sign from a stree​t?​​
No, but I have posed next to one... hahaha.



What is somet​hing you'​​d like to have right​ now?
my car. I miss my car so much.


Are you playi​ng hard to get right​ now?
No... I'm just literally... hard to get. Stupid 800+ miles.



Do you miss your past?​​
I miss this summer, when I was with her whenever I wanted to be. Wow, this survey has turned into a pity-party.



Are you proud​ of the perso​n you'​​ve becom​e?​​
Quite.


Would​ you ever want to swim with the shark​s?​​
I have. It's really not as exciting as you think. They really leave you alone, depending on what kind of shark. Reef Sharks don't even pay attention to you. Which is frustrating, actually. I wanted to punch one in the nose, but it completely pretended I didn't exist.




What would​ you say if I said I was in love with your broth​er?​​
You better be a good person, or I'm going to kick your ass.


Are you datin​g anyon​e right​ now?
Yes.


Has someo​ne smack​ed your butt in the past week?​​
No ma'am.


Did you speak​ to your fathe​r today​?​​
HAHAHAHAHA. You're funny.

Um. Ohio fucking SUCKS, and they were ranked number 1 over us at the beginning of the season?
We BEAT them 35 to 3!!!

First football game. Fucking AWESOME.
Celebrity sightings:
Nick Lachey: "OMGHEREMEMBERED TO LET US TAKE OUR PICTURE WITH HIMOMG"
Omare Stoudemire
The Fonz
Denzel Washington (!!!!!!!)
Maria Shriver
And it's rumored that Will Ferrel did indeed attend the game and is going to the after party hosted by the fraternity he was in back in his days at 'sc.

Fuck yes!
Fight on!

on a down note:
I lost my ray ban's on the way back from the game.
And I'm suddenly sick. wtf?